Why I’d urge everyone to avoid the 2005-12 crime drama The Closer

 

• The southern accent Kyra Sedgwick faked on the show is annoying as nails on a chalkboard. Fellow New Yorkers like George Carlin or Mary Tyler Moore could fake one much better.
• The show tends to screw up with violating the sixth amendment which was thankfully fixed on the spin-off Major Crimes.
• "The writing is really bad. Conversations are made unnatural in order to create problems and drama. Brenda, the main character, shows up at people's homes or workplaces and starts asking them all sorts of questions without telling them who she is, then gets aggressive with people when they get defensive and don't immediately answer her and do what she tells them to. One example that really annoyed me: one suspect asks to see his brother and, instead of saying, "I'm sorry, that's not possible, he's dead," Brenda goes, "That's impossible!" Nobody talks like that!"
• "Brenda only got her job because she's the Chief's ex-LOVER, which is also the reason she gets to be totally unprofessional and unethical all the time while keeping her job. It is in no way believable that she would keep her job, also because she knows nothing about office politics. And she only "solves" crimes by luck and because of lightbulb moments provided by other people - oh, and because the writers get all suspects to confess."
• "Brenda is a completely selfish, self-absorbed LIAR. She lies to everyone about everything all the time, including to her fiancé, the most ball-less FBI agent one can imagine. From their first meeting she makes clear through her actions that she's only interested in what he can do for HER, namely being unethical to do her favors to help her solve crimes. She treats the man like a complete doormat and he still proposes to her!"
• "She (Kyra Sedgwick's character) solves her crimes to satisfy her ego, not to do what's best for all involved - she actually undermines other investigations and puts multiple people's lives in danger just to convict one guy."
• Brenda's parents show up way too often throughout the series and the way she allows them to control her life is totally ridiculous. An example would be when she tells her love interest that he can't stay while he's just unpacked his stuff since her mother is coming over which is insane.
• Kyra Sedgwick's wardrobe can get too distracting. In contrast, the wardrobes of many Star Wars characters are a lot better such as Padmé.
• A police officer would never eat at a crime scene.
• Louie Provenza is always doing the minimum.
• "The police staff and most of the brass are written as if they are completely incompetent and inexperienced so that Brenda can swoop in and save the investigation- for example, during one search warrant execution of a house, the police are also searching the garage until Brenda "enlightens" them that the garage cannot be searched unless it is specifically stated in the warrant."
• "The series often explicitly depicts violence and murder, or at least its aftermath. There is little humor here. Add to this the jerky hand-held camera that is often used (to lower production costs), and you get the entirely false impression that this is how real police operate when compared to light toned crime shows like Monk or The Mentalist."
• The show has too many main male characters while other female characters are rare. I'd change that by replacing Corey Reynolds' character with a female character since he didn't return for the spin-off Major Crimes, much like how Galadriel was included in The Hobbit films despite not appearing in the novel so there'd be a greater female presence.
• The DVD covers and promotional material for the series are terribly designed with one showing Kyra only wearing clothing with police tarp design while another shows her relaxing on one side of a giant handcuff.
• The show's logo looks too scary and generic; it should've been based off the one for Super Smash Bros. Melee which came out in NTSC regions four years before the series premiered. 
• The makeup Kyra Sedgwick wears in the promos looks good, but not in the show itself. 
• Only three regulars of the show's main cast at the end weren't kept for its spinoff Major Crimes which makes it feel similar so I'd urge everyone to go with Major Crimes and ignore The Closer.
• I'd give it a 1/10. Using Roger Ebert's rating scale, I'd give it zero stars.